This is prob the loneliest fucking recovery of my life.
My first day has been spent in group for three hours, lunch, snack, dinner, snack, study time and I’m waiting on my last snack and shake before bed, I got to talk to Jordan which was a major help.
It’s not even two and I’m ready to leave this place. I don’t like crying I don’t like talking about this problem.
Reason number one I tell no one about my disorder I don’t want the pitty look. Yes I have a disorder please do not try to tip toe around it like if you say the wrong thing it’s gonna send me to the gym or skip my next planned meal. No it doesn’t work like that. If you say something about me it’ll stick in my head yes but it won’t cause me to stop eating.
After this weekend I had done major slip ups but I leave for treament tomorrow so I’ll be back on track by the end of the week
I don’t think it’s gonna actually hit me I’ll be without friends and family for two weeks. Learning new ways to cope with things all by myself no one to hold me accountable or to fall back on for support….I wanna crawl in a ball and cry till my two weeks are up. So flipping scared
Five days from treatment and I have no idea how I feel or what the heck is going through my head
Packing for my family trip then my treatment center is hella stressful. I don’t wanna go two weeks without my family but I also don’t wanna keep being sick
Fck trying to get better, don’t care anymore.
I don’t understand self harm but then again looking at me no one would understand why I have an eating disorder either.
I don’t see what’s so wrong with having an eating disorder, it’s my way of coping with things when it gets too much it’s not an everyday thing. Now that I make myself go by my plan and only work out once a week I’m so unhappy. Weird huh? I thought I would be the happiest person alive when I didn’t relapse or didn’t feel the need to watch what I eat or force myself to the gym when I hadn’t eaten all day. I don’t think some people understand how badly I wish I could just be a normal girl and not have this to always be over my head